LAWRENCE, KS – Woman to undergo a controversial full-birth abortion in an attempt to separate from her 38 year-old son. Protesters clashed and violence erupted as Alice Shoemaker exited the Lawrence Health Planned Parenthood center on Tuesday morning. Shoemaker, who was shielded from the media and anti-abortion protestors by her boyfriend Sergio Lima, declined...
An article in the current issue of Science magazine announced the discovery of breakdancing worms. The article, which appears in this month’s issue of Science, Vol 328, Issue 5986, describes a discovery made by scientists working at the Temasek Life Sciences Laboratory in Singapore while observing the behavioral patterns of inch worms. While seeking...
OAKLAND, CA – A local Little League baseball coach may face charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor for his use of the word hustle. When Glen Albright told his players to ‘hustle’ during a pre-game warm-up he probably had little idea that one of his players would take is instructions so...
PORTLAND, OR – The increasing rate of incarceration in the U.S. has had an unexpected influence on the way Americans hold on to their important personal items. When Josh Santiago wished to pay for his morning cup of coffee on Monday he did not reach into the back pocket of his worn blue jeans...
TERRELL, TX – Noted businessman and former presidential candidate Ross Perot was attacked by a man armed with baked goods Wednesday morning while shopping in a Dallas suburban outlet store. As billionaire Ross Perot rifled through a bin of pastel cardigans he did not take time to notice the approaching 39 year old Donald...
LOS ANGELES, CA – Actor and musician Jared Leto was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Sunday after sustaining minor injuries to his mouth and face. Leto, was hospitalized following an incident with an electric tooth brush he was using. A spokesperson for the celebrity told reporters, “Mr. Leto was brushing his teeth in...
KANSAS CITY, MO – In an unusual announcement on Monday the National Football League’s Kansas City Chiefs claimed that they could hear their mothers calling them to come home for dinner which would mean that they would be unable to play out the remainder of the football season. Since the Chiefs would be unable...
SAN DIEGO, CA – At a unique medical panel on Friday doctors excitedly took turns listening to Mark Corcoran’s obese stomach in between giggles and high fives. The reason for their excitement was that they could audibly hear the San Diego man getting fatter. “If we can isolate the biomechanical cause of this guy’s...
NEW YORK, NY – Filming on the set of the popular children’s series Sesame Street was halted on Monday following a physical altercation between popular characters Burt and Ernie. Mounting frustrations finally boiled over for Sesame Street’s infamous odd couple during the performance of one of their most famous standards. “One moment Ernie’s doing...
IBIZA, SPAIN – Standing in front of an unusually diverse crowd on Thursday, Dr. Theodore Salvador announced to the world that a team of European scientists linked the recent rise in global temperatures to the increasing prevalence of electronic music. Identified by pre-tracked drum beats and looped vocals, electronic music has grown to become...
